Racist Cell Phones, Birth Control, and A Stupid Heckler

Werewolves & Lollipops Patton Oswalt talks about racist cell phones, birth control, and confronts a douchebag heckler. *This is audio, no video.

According to her application for the award, she has also organized family quiz nights and elizabethan festivals at her school and taken students on a variety of field trips, from the long beach aquarium to the la brea tarpits

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25 Responses to Racist Cell Phones, Birth Control, and A Stupid Heckler

  1. kentekent says:

    “You’re going to miss ervything cool and die angry”

    That is just such a perfekt putdown! God! I love you Pat!

  2. themaximum9901 says:

    @jimfu1130 We’re up to 19 people with mothers who unfortunately couldn’t make it to Costco.

  3. DrStrangefate says:

    “Rape goblins.”
    Patton kills all.

  4. sewerrod says:

    The mexicans wont, maybe, but i wouldnt walk through a black neighborhood period

  5. jimfu1130 says:

    16 people’s mothers should have gone to Costco the morning after.

  6. jmpmo03 says:

    next time i encounter an asshole, I’ll think to myself : “You will miss everything cool, and die angry.”

  7. bowler3008605 says:


  8. Misfitbby says:

    “When my body returns to the loam and the cities are but dust, alien civilizations will know that I am a douchebag! The neuromancers walking the wastelands will carry high my standard of douchebaggery! I AM ONE WITH THE GODS!”

    Oh god… my sides.

  9. weedjesus47 says:


  10. xskatedierepeatx says:

    @drivebymessiah “Put em’ in a body bag!” it’s a line from Karate Kid.

  11. Juddenmar says:

    @atlien991 I think its all the mayonnaise and mac n’ cheese they eat. Not sure.

  12. rtdonnes says:

    Rape Stove!!!

  13. Pulverize222 says:

    lol he mad

  14. ralphyetmore says:

    Oswalt is the real deal. Took a stoopid heckler and turned him into a 5 minute, solid routine.

  15. MarioxLuigi89 says:


  16. culvre says:

    i hate when people heckle good comedians.

  17. nonsenseical says:

    oh my god I’m literally crying right now. This is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a while.

  18. obviousypc says:

    Hah! That’s how a pro works, take the situation and riff on it. Smart guy, that Patton! He could have gone the Kramer route and started screaming racist nonsense, but that ain’t how he rolls.

  19. cloud1937 says:

    @toasterbot Well he got an extra 3 minutes of material that made people laugh harder than the heckler has ever made anyone laugh, so i think patton won.

  20. iheartdonut says:

    sweep the leg Johnny! LOL

  21. siemvandenberg says:

    haha the sheer amount of D&D references, Patton so totally is a eight lvl Ranger!

  22. atlien991 says:

    What in the hell is wrong with white comedians? Pay a nazi to kick your girlfriend in the stomach? I never hear garbage like that at the clubs I frequent. Jesus.

  23. otakuadd says:

    @TheApatheticGuy I wouldn’t be surprised if it was,I mean I can take something someone has said or done and make some funny comments off of it but he had alot for that one heckler.

  24. toasterbot says:

    He sounds awfully mad about his joke getting thrown off, I think the heckler won.

  25. peanutsgang1028 says:

    15 people lost signal..

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